i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I need water and some morals
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
