Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
