she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
