I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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