had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
