My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ok first of all what the fuck
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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