My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
