WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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