Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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