new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
