I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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