My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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