so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
