I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
