You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
