I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
