Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
