It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
