There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
