Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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