when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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