I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
