I love black thongs
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
