Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
