Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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