You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
