I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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