i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
