yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
