If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
