Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
