hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
