Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
