Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
