I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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