Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
