I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
