Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
