Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
