I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
