I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will be naked everywhere
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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