Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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