You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
