I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
