Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
