I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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