The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
