my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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