but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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