I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
