But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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