i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
