When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think your dad took our porno
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
