I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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