I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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