dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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